i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
