You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
