i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
