well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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