I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
