normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
