Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
