I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
