i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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