party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
