What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
