is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
