I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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