I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
