her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
