the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
