he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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