i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
someone owes me an orgasm
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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