I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
