When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
