I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
