So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i love accidental penises.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
