All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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