I look better un-naked...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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