You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
What a dumb baby whore.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
