i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
