Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
