Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
