So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
