Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
