So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i love accidental penises.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
