Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
