she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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