The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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