I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
