6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
