cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
