In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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