I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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