he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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