pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
