I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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