Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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