it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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