I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
