Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
