You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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