his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
