Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
