party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
