He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
