shes about as inviting as chlamydia
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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