How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
