When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
