I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
