I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
