He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
