Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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