Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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