Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
