Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
