I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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