I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
