just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
