If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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