he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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