So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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