Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
