It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
