Nicole vs. Life
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
