So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
