I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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