How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
