how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
