Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
