first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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