I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Someone signed my nipple.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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