Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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