Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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