Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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